The bug...Turning five

Since I've been married I've been able to enjoy my daughter even more than ever, just because I've got someone to share the responsibilities of the house with...When she and I were alone here, Momma did the lawn and the snow-blowing and the cleaning of gutters and the bagging of a million leaves, but now that time is over and I have some room to breathe and be a "normal" mom.

I was struck recently that she's going to be five years old, and I started crying...I cry almost every day about it. I've reverted back to spoiling her for no reason...I watch her while she sleeps, more than I ever have...I make a point to hunker down on the couch for a good movie with her every week or so, just so I can have that time to sit with her and smell her hair. I am grieving the loss of my little wee one, and anticipating the new person that is emerging.

I'm sure every mom knows where they could have done better, and I'm sure every mom hits that time in their kids' lives when they look back and wish they could change certain things. Surely I worry about her, especially when I see those little parts of her that are so reflective of myself, things I wish I could change about me. I hope someday she forgives me for those faults of mine that I have passed on to her. I wish she could stay innocent and unscathed by the world, but she can't...She has to grow up and use all she learns to make her own choices. I'm afraid of what she'll choose...On more than one occasion I know she will not choose the right path. I guess all I can do, then, is love her all the more, and remind her often that she'll always be my wee one, no matter what.